a rushing wind

I've heard before that sometimes when infants cry incessantly it soothes them to hear a sound louder than their own. A vacuum cleaner, white noise machine, music turned up. I've never, in all my years of nannying, babysitting and working in infant rooms, employed the method. But I believe it. 

The last few days have made me feel disheveled. A new job always means a new learning curve. We're still praying for a great job for Jimmy and our anxiety about finances seemed to grow a bit in the last two days. We're fine, we're really fine. Part of the process is having these moments - to express the frustration and anxiety and then find peace. 

Anyways, by the time I got to this afternoon I knew that I needed to do something that helped me take a deep breath - physically, emotionally and spiritually.

So we went to the lake with the girls. 

It was cold and it was windy - not two things we normally experience in Redding. Whiskeytown isn't normally full of waves but tonight it was.

The wind whipped all around us, sending sand into the air and our dinnertime picnic flying.

But in that moment I believed that the theory about infants is true because I experienced it. 

I needed something louder and stronger and bigger to surround me. Sometimes in my efforts to get everything in its place and organized and under control, I need to encounter something that moves in complete opposition to that effort.

The wind that could knock us over and chill us to the bone. The wind that makes you feel so small and weak and so surrounded at the same time.

It touched the deepest parts of my soul and reminded me that God is so much grander than me and yet is wrapped around every part of our life. 

I just needed something louder today.

And I highly suggest getting around children when big adult problems come your way.

You need Addi's decision to avoid the wind and lay on the ground. You need Grace's two verse song about a father watching his daughter get married. You need Addi's impromptu dance on the beach and admission that saying "occasion" is very difficult to say without front teeth.

You need the team and the wind. 

Something louder.